The school bell rang as it always did, announcing the stampede of starved teens and among them was a smaller student, clad in a pair of shiny goggles and caressed in soft gray fur. Coyoteas Coyote meandered much like any of the other students, thoughts in a tentative tango about Christmas vacation coming soon. Homework was the last thing on his mind, much less the paper he was supposed to write for Professor Cat's dog-punting class. Christmas was coming… and already he was brimming with ideas. For Cerb a new pair of shoes…Coyodance, maybe a new calculator…Dad a year's pass to go to the football stadium with Uncle Whinny. Coyoteas gave a meek sigh and shook his head as he meandered towards the lunch room. The gifts seemed so…impersonal…He was snapped out of his thoughts moments later.
"Coyotes don't chase OTHER coyote's Roadrunners. It's kind of a law. Part of the Coyote code…I think. Or something like that. Point is, he'd NEVER talk to me again if I caught you, so you're off limits. Just seeing you reminds me that he's got a Roadrunner to chase and I don't…humph…not much of a coyote, am I? I don't need you teasing me about it, so go and find Cerb in the lunch room. I'm sure you'll find he'd be more than happy to chase you around for hours on end." Coyoteas uttered miserably; snapping his lock shut with a steel chime and turned to head towards the lunch room himself. Meeper simply stood there for a few moments, pondering this awkward turn of events, before racing up towards Coyoteas. He ran backwards, easily keeping pace with the sulking puppy and put his wing across Coyoteas's shoulder. He wasn't going to bully him, and tried to explain he was sorry for spilling his books but Coyoteas didn't listen, wandering by with a shrug of his shoulders and a quiet out-of-character grumble.
A frosted breeze rippled through ACME Acres; the wind dancing across the silvery glinting concrete in a furious ballet of cold. Coyoteas didn't notice. He didn't even bat an eyelash when that same wind tugged at his scarf, reminding him to twist it tighter around his neck, or when it whipped through his fur and sent an icy shiver racing down his back. His focus was entirely on Cerb, who was indolently strolling next to him. Much to Coyoteas' surprise, the punctual coyote whom usually was the first on the bus, watched it zip away from ACME Looniversity without him on it. Coyoteas, showed up with a disappointed sprint only moments afterwards, huffing and puffing and suckling in frosted air into his lungs. He looked at his brother curiously, whom was standing there with a gentle smirk etched over his features, and simply jerked a thumb towards the direction of home and said,
"I guess we're walking!" The two had been walking for almost an hour, enjoying each other's company at a leisurely pace, telling jokes and making each other laugh. It had been an eternity of eternities since the two has spent any real time together, and it was something Coyoteas discovered he enjoyed with a great bit of zeal. He never knew Cerb to be funny outside of prat falls and psychical gags but the jokes he'd been reading on Cerb's emergancy “HELP!” signs were hilarious. Coyoteas found himself giggling helplessly at the words written, and his elder brother laughed happily along with him; pleased that he could make his brother smile. Soon, however, a bark rang out in the air behind them, echoing with an eager sense of violence and anger. Lyle P. Terrier. Coyoteas gulped miserably and quickly grasped his brother in a firm hug.
"See you later, Cerb! I gotta go!" Coyoteas yelped, before rapidly racing forward, wilding sprinting down the street and away from the angry sounding Wheaten Terrier pup. Maybe he could make it home before he caught him. Maybe, just maybe, he could slip inside just before the beatings began and spend the night free of bruises and cuts. To his horror, however, he discovered he wasn't making any progress in the slightest. Glancing behind him, Cerb was casually gripping his tail, holding Coyoteas in traction. Coyoteas whimpered nervously, unsure exactly why his brother was sentencing him to an early grave, but held still while Cerb reached into his backpack, and pulled out what looked like a large blue packet with snowflakes printed on it.
"ACME instant ice?" Coyoteas asked curiously. Cerb gave a bright, giddy nod.
"Yup!" and tore the packet open, dusting the concrete in a single line in between them, creating a lengthy streak of bright shimmering ice. Coyoteas glanced nervously at his brother, uncertain if the plan was to work, but Cerb, like always, was surrounded by an air of sheer, sparkling confidence. Coyoteas glanced behind him sheepishly, and his eyes widened when he caught sight of Lyle P. Terrier and his dad, Gully, racing towards them like a runaway train. Lyle was dressed a varsity jacket and built like a football player- which was good, since he was on the ACME Looniversity Football team.
They charged wildly, arms outstretched, fingers clutching and grasping, furiously eager to clutch Coyoteas and pound the living daylights out of him. Cerb, however, stood stoic and strong, determined of his little brother's safety. With his chest thrown out, and his eyes narrowed, he threw out his hand in a motion for "halt" which the duo of villainy did not heed. They charged forward, running, racing, throwing themselves towards the two with nothing but a distinct hunger for violence to drive them forward. Cerb flashed Coyoteas a sinister grin and waited until Lyle and his dad were juuuuuuuust within arms reach- and then he sidestepped. Coyoteas did the same, stepping to one side, and Lyle made the mistake of trying to stop. He hadn't noticed the thick sheet of pure slick frictionless frost underneath his foot paws, and the moment he applied the brakes, he skidded wildly out of control! Him and Gully slid right past the two pups and slammed into a nearby alley wall. Collapsed atop of each other, Lyle meekly looked up, watching as Cerb and Coyoteas easily walked past them, continuing to joke and play without a care in the world.
All too soon, however, the walk was over and the ACME Stables came into view.
"So, bro, did you make that Instant Ice in the lab?" Coyoteas asked casually as the two walked up the driveway. Cerb nodded his head,
"Yeah. It took me a couple of hours. Whicker helped me." and Coyoteas offered a gentle smile.
"Teach me?" He asked. Cerb grinned and wrapped an arm around his brother's shoulder and noogied him with his other paw.
"Meet me in the lab in ten minutes." Was all he said, and disappeared into the Barn. Coyoteas glanced back down the street where they had spent the most time together in a long while. A walk that was far, far to short for him. He gave a grim sigh and shook his head sadly, before his ears perked. It was odd, that the idea that suddenly sprang upon him, hadn't sprung upon him until now, but spring it did and he acted upon it immediately. He rushed into the Barn, tail flickering happily behind him.
"Hey Cerb," He called out, finding his brother in his room, changing into a large, over sized lab coat and a pair of science goggles.
"What is it, Coyoteas?"
"Can we walk home again tomorrow?" Coyoteas asked- and smiled when he caught sight of Cerb's tail wagging.
"Sure. Now do you wanna learn to make instant ice?" Coyoteas put on a lab coat and slid his goggles on.
"Okay," said Cerb, "The trick is to put alot of Dad's dehydrated glaciers in the fridge, wait a little while, and BINGO!" He smacked his fist into his open paw, "Instant ice!" Coyoteas looked at his brother with admiration.
"Wow, Cerb," Coyoteas fawned, "you're really smart."
"Uh, thanks, Coyoteas," Cerb put his paw on his stomach, "Here. Think of it as an oyley Christmas present." Cerb said as he handed Coyoteas the blue bag of instant ice they just made. Coyoteas looked down at the bag with admiration. Cerb had never given him something he made in the lab before!
"Thanks, Cerb!" cried Coyoteas.
“Pups,” Wiley's voice called, "Are you in the barn?"
"Yeah, Dad!" Cerb yelled, "we're in the lab."
"Okay, but come inside soon," Wiley answered, "Dinner's almost ready." Cerb and Coyoteas smacked their lips. Their took off their coats and goggles, and ran inside.
"I heard that Meeper hwiped you today," Cerb said nonchalantly, "That smug sonofagun. I'll teach him not to mess with my little brother." Cerb's protective words made Coyoteas feel lucky that he had a tough big brother.
"Hey, rookie toons," Yakko said, "I'm in the living room, come here." Coyoteas and Cerb ran into the living room and saw a magnificent Christmas tree standing in the corner.
"Wow," the two coyotes yipped, "that tree is HUGE!"
"I know." Yakko said putting his gloved hands into his oversized slacks. Just as Wakko and Dot came upstairs with their arms full of ornament boxes, the doorbell rang.
"Uncle Techy!" Cerb and Coyoteas cried in unison and zipped towards the door and ripped it open. Just as they opened it they lept into their Uncle Techy Coyote's arms and hugged the air out of him.
"Hey pups!” Techy said with a chuckle.
"Say it, Uncle T!" Techy sighed. He played a super hero version of himself on the show Loonitics Unleashed and had one famous quote.
"Okay, I'm not a dog! I'm a coyote!" Cerb and Coyoteas burst into guffaws. Just then a jet engine sound came from outside followed by a non-english accent ‘Meep Meep!’. Revv Runner made a quick stop in the door frame vibrating slightly.
"Oh hello, brother." Road Runner walked out of the kitchen nonchalantly stressing his snooty British accent.
"Hello-Road!" Revv quickly said slapping his grim younger brother on the back causing the roadrunner to make a beep sound. Road coughed and patted his throat.
"I thought I didn't make that sound anymore." He said rubbing his sore back. "I'm gonna go into my closet, sit in the dark and mumble to myself." Road growled. Revv pointed a thumb at his brother and made one side of his mouth make an arrow shape. Yakko strode towards Revv.
"Revv! The only roadrunner that I like!" Yakko said with her arms outstreatched. Revv accepted the hug and smiled appreaceatly. He then zipped over to the closet and put his coat, hat, and scarf in it. A muffled 'Ow! What the deuce?!' sound came when Revv threw his boots in. He then proceeded upstairs into the guest room.
“SQUAAAAAAK!” Toby the umbrella cockatoo flew out of the room followed by a growling Gully and Lyle. They stopped chasing Toby when they caught sight of Coyoteas. Lyle's eyes narrowed and a wicked grin spread accross his muzzle.
"Ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh-ruh!" The angry wheaten pup barked followed by his dad's deeper barks. Coyoteas's eyes popped out of his head and he jumped five feet up in the air.
"See ya', Uncle Tech!" Coyoteas spun his feet in the air and took off at top speed. The angry revenge-seeking terriers got closer and closer every second but Coyoteas kept his back in and ears foward. At the end of the hallway, Coyoteas discovered he was trapped. Sheepishly, he turned to confront his pursuers.
"Oh, come on fellah! You don't want to copy my notes from me! I'm not very smart at all! Your dad's got more brains then I do!" Lyle shook Coyoteas back and forth like a present.
"No he doesn't!" Lyle said pointing to his father.
"Yeah, no I don't! …Wait…uh….what?" The elder Wheaten scratched his head stupidly. Lyle proceeded to hold Coyoteas up. He gave Lyle a sheepish look and tried to pull away.
"Look, y-you wouldn't hurt me! We're both canines, right?" Coyoteas said sweating out of control. Lyle chuckled causing his shoulders to shake.
"Technically, you're of the Canis Latrans species, coyo-tay, while we are Canis Familiaris, wheaten terr-e-or.
Coyoteas glanced irritatedly at the 'audience' and jerks a thumb towards Lyle.
"And this guy needs MY help? Look, Lyle, why can't we agree to disagree! Can't you find somebody else to help you cheat on my dad's test? Can't you just ask him? He lives right where you live!" Lyle snarled and the red around his eyes grew to a sickening purple.
"I don't need to beat up some lanky grey coyote that could expell me. And you've got such a great track record." Lyle said sneering.
"Well, I don't wanna help anymore! Leggo...or...or...I'll call my big brother!" Lyle and Gully burst into peals of laughter. Lyle gently set Coyoteas down and shoved him into the wall.
"Ha ha ha, go ahead and call 'im! Yeah, go on! I dare ya! I double dare ya. It'll be fun." The two dogs gave a half-tooth grin to each other. Coyoteas took a deep breath, his chest filled out and expanded over his body, dwarfing him. He let it out in a loud yowl that nearly blew Lyle and Gully over.
“CEEEEEEEEEEERB! YIP-YIP-YOWWWWW-OOOO YOOOOOW-OOOOOOOO!" Coyoteas yowled. "You like? I got the 'yowl gene' from my dad." For a moment, nothing happened, and then a deep growl sounded. The terriers pressed together, looking around fearfully, while Coyoteas waggled his tail, smiling brightly. A shadow descended across the duo of terriers and they look downward, obviously terrified at what they see. Coyoteas quickly ran over to Cerb that is holding a chainsaw, pointing it at Lyle and his father.
"They were pickin’ on me, again!"
"Oh really." Said Cerb starting the saw's engine.
"Oh. THAT big brother…" Lyle said his voice sounding like he hadn't gone through puberty. Cerb punched the terriers while the bleep sound played constantly and chainsaw sounds play. The terriers gallop off, dig a hole and bury themselves alive.
"Thank you Cerb!" Coyoteas said panting jumping up on his older brother.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Cerb said pushing his paws away and towards him like he was telling someone wierd to back off.
“See youse.” He strutted off whistling jingle bells.
"Oh, and by the way." Cerb said with his neck streatching around the corner. “Yakksters says other characters are coming soon so put your stuff in my room for now." Then he strutted off again. Larry the platypus walked up to Coyoteas and chittered happily.
"Oh, hey Larry!" Said Coyoteas picking up the green platypus.
"Your brother is coming soon so I bet you're excited!" My brother?, thought Larry. Perry was coming? Great! He thought. Larry only saw his twin brother when he was working as a spy for the O.W.C.A and was know as Agent L to the other animal spies. Just as Coyoteas set Larry down the doorbell rang. Coyoteas ran to get the door and there standing in the door frame was Phineas and Ferb Flynn-Fletcher and Perry the platypus.
"Hey, Phineas!" Said Coyoteas giving Phineas a knucke touch.
"Hey, Ferb" Coyoteas said waving to the older boy. Ferb waved. Perry walked past them and went to see his twin. Larry chattered loudly and happily when he saw Perry. They turned animorphic and the two gave eachother a hug. They chittered back and forth to each other, as if in a conversation, then burst into laughter and walked off with their arms on eachother's shoulders snickering about the inside joke.
Then Ferb said to Phineas, "Don't these new people seem kind of odd to you? Like, something's off about them? They look like... ah... um..."
"Furries?" Phineas replied.
"Yes, exactly. That's the word I was looking for."
"Do you know what we have to do now?"
Phineas then proceeded to pull out a flamethrower and cleansed the area of the disgusting furry scourge.
"HA HA!" laughed Phineas, "Yiff in
hell, animal raping fuckfaces!"
Ferb began to cry as his new friends were immolated. But Phineas showed that they weren't his real friends at all. He showed him this video, which tells exactly why furries are evil incarnate:
thumb|300px|rightFerb understood. From then on, Phineas and Ferb teamed up and proceeded to make sure that all furfags would yiff in hell as they deserve. And they all lived happily ever after. Except the furries, of course.