FANDOM


This is a RANDOM PARDOY that only Mochlum can edit or else I WILL DO SOMETHING VERY... UM... BAD AND... SCARY! This is more based on the books cause they ROCK!

No it's the philosipher's stone!

That's only in Britain, in America it's Sorcerer.

BUT THE PROPER NAME IS PHILOSIPHER!

Oh, shut up.

Chapter One: Life Sucks

(Dursley house, evening)

Narrator: Harry Potter is some guy who lives with his meanie aunt and uncle and cousin. He is a wizard (DA DA DA) but he doesn't know. He is currently living in a closet but since they live in England it's a cupboard. Maybe it's not because it's England, but it's maybe because he's a cup. I dunno. Let's just start the story.

Harry Potter: Life sucks.

Meanie Cousin: STUPID COUSIN WAKE UP IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!

Harry Potter: I wish my life was better. I at least wish someone send me a letter. *letter flies in* OOH, FOR ME?

Meanie Uncle: *comes in* NO! NOT - YOUR - LETTER! *rips it*

Harry Potter: Okay, I'll just open this other one. *pulls the other one out*

Meanie Uncle: WHAT? *rips that one then storms off*

Meanie Aunt: *walks in* Mails here!

Meanie Uncle: AAAH! *steals all the mail and rips it*

Meanie Aunt: My coupon book was in that stack!

Harry Potter: Another letter! Yay! *pulls one out from under the couch*

Meanie Uncle: WHAT? *jumps to couch and opens up the cushions and a bunch of letters pop out*

Meanie Cousin: WHAT'S HAPPENING?!

Meanie Aunt: LETTERS ARE EVERYWERE! *looks at oven and letters shoot out*

Letters: *pop out of washing machine, sink, Meanie Uncle's pants, the piano, Dudley's mouth, Petunia's ears, YOU*

Harry Potter: This must of costed alot in postage stamps.

Meanie Uncle: WE MUST LEAVE! THEY'RE AFTER US!

(Dursley car, night)

Meanie Uncle: Do you have the map to our time share, Meanie Wife?

Meanie Aunt: It's in the glovebox. *opens the glovebox and letters shoot out*

Meanie Cousin: AAAH!

Meanie Uncle: NO! LET'S TAKE PLANES!

(airplane, night)

Flight Attendant: We shall be arriving in Tokyo in 6 hours.

Harry Potter: Why Tokyo? I don't even speak japanese.

Meanie Uncle: CAUSE YOUR OPINION AIN'T MATTER TO US! And also, the longer the flight, the more peanuts you get. *opens peanut bag but letters fly out*

Meanie Cousin: AAAH!

Meanie Uncle: NO! LET'S TAKE BOATS!

(Dursley private boat, night)

Meanie Uncle: They can never find us here!

Meanie Cousin: ...too...much...soda... *burps out a bunch of letters*

Meanie Aunt: AAAH!

Harry Potter: *snigger*

Meaine Uncle: HURRY, TO SHORE!

(Old abondon shack, night)

Meanie Uncle: I think we're finally safe.

Hagrid: *barges in* Ello, muggles!

Meanie Uncle, Aunt, and Cousin: AAAH! *run off*

Hagrid: Wanna be a wizard (DA DA DA) and come with me to Pigfarts Academy of Warlocks?

Harry Potter: I have no idea who you are, but OKAY! I'm a wizard?

Hagrid: Yeah, you're parents died because of some bad guy and you can learn about MAGIC! *waves his fingers* OOOOooooOOOOooooOOOOooooh!

Harry Potter: Okay. *becomes a pixely Mario-like dude* LET'SE GO! *runs off with Hagrid*

Chapter Two: I Take It Back, Life DOESN'T Suck

Harry Potter: Where the heck are we going?

Hagrid: Horozont Alley! Where wizards (DA DA DA) go on shopping sprees. We have to go through the Leaky Cup! *goes through place*

Tom the Inkeeper: Ello, Hagrid, interested in the new soup we have? *soup bowl explodes* It's so good, it explodes!

Hagrid: No thanks, I'm just taking Harry to buy stuff like popsicles.

Tom the Inkeeper: OMG, IT'S HARRY POTTER!

Planter Person: DID SOMEBODY SAY POTTER?

Barber Person: DID SOMEBODY SAY HAIRY?

Wizard Person: DID SOMEBODY SAY HARRY POTTER?

Hagrid: I DID!

Wizard Peoples: O - M - G! IT'S HARRY POTTER!

Wizard Persons: It is so amazing to meet- *faints*

Professor Squirrel: I-it i-is s-so a-amazing t-to m-meet y-you! I-I a-am a-a a-admirer o-of y-you!

Harry Potter: What the -

Wizard Persons: WATCH YOUR LANG- I mean- My hero!

Harry Potter: Hagrid, what in the name of wizardry is going on?

Hagrid: I'll tell you later. Let's go SHOPPING!

Harry Potter and Hagrid: *squeal like girls* LET'S GO! *walk into Horozont Alley and go to Gringotts and walk out with lots of gallons of galleons.* OMG, I AM RICH! *walk in and then immediately out with a bunch of bags* I LOVE SHOPPING! *go into Ollivander's*

Hagrid: Time to get a WAND!

Harry Potter: OMG! Then will I be able to do spells to conjure pie?

Hagrid: I hope so! I'm in the mood for Key Lime.

Harry Potter: Mr. Oly-vander, are you here?

Ollivander: *runs in* YESSH, YESH I AM! TIME FOR MAGIK WANDS!

Harry Potter and Hagrid: YAY!

Ollivander: Okay, how about THIS WAND? *pulls out a wand*

Harry Potter: :o OOOOH, SHINY WAND! *gets distracted*

Ollivander: That's not it! *takes it back and pulls out another*

Harry Potter: This is coolio! *waves it which cause the entire planet to blow up*

Ollivander: O_O That's not it! *pulls out another* HOW ABOUT THIS?

Harry Potter: *waves it which cause Hagrid to barf* That's not it.

Ollivander: Hmm, how about THIS? *pulls out another*]

Harry Potter: *waves it and he becomes all poweful-looking* YAY, I FEEL POWER!!!

Ollivander: Good for you! WE FOUND IT! NOW BUY IT OR I'LL KILL YA!

Harry Potter: Okey dokey PLOOKY! YIPEE! *buys it*

Harry and Hagrid: Let's go. *walk out but fall through nothingness. The Earth did explode. They happen to somehow land in King's Cross Station*

Hagrid: Hm. Well, here's your ticket, I GOTTA GO! *disappears into thin air but his clothes are left behind*

Harry Potter: I'd hate to be wherever he disappeared to.

Chapter Three: Platform 3 9/4. 5 1/4 to be exact!

(Kings Cross Station, afternoon) Harry Potter: I wonder where Platform 3 9/4 is. Maybe it's in between 9 and 8 platforms! *runs into the wall* Apparently not. I wonder what I should do? I can't ask that guy, he'll think I'm a mad bloop.

That Guy: CAUSE YOU ARE!

Harry Potter: O_o Why?

That Guy: CAUSE I FEEL LIKE IT!

Harry Potter: Oh. PLease go.

That Guy: FINE!

Molly Weasley: *walks in with kids* Let's hurry and get to PLatform 3 9/4 or 5 1/4 or... or... oh, who cares, it's the same place! Go first, Fred.

Fred (Youtube Guy): HEY IT'S FREEEEEEEED!

Molly Weasley: Not Fred, FRED! Or George. Which of the bloody twins is it?

Fred (Weasley): It's me! *runs into wall between PLatforms 3 and 4*

George: Not really, I'm Fred, he's George. YOU ARE A MEANIE MUMMY! *runs between platforms*

Harry Potter: *to Molly Weasley* Mrs. Person, how do you do that?

Molly Weasley: Why should I tell you? SO LONG SUCKER! *runs through wall*

Ron: *walks up* She just doesn't believe you are a wizard. YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE AN OWL! *airplane drives by and owl cage with Hedwig in it falls from plane* Nevermind. You run into that wall.

Harry Potter: *runs through wall* Ooh, that worked. I WUV WU MAGIC! Now let's get on the train.

(train, afternoon)

Harry Potter: I wish someone would sit with me.

Ron: What about me?

Harry Potter: I said, I wish someone would sit with me.

Ron: *rolls eyes*

Hermione: *walks into compartment* Hello, I'm Hermione.

Ron: Your pretty.

Harry Potter: *nudges Ron with his elbow and raises and eyebrow*

Ron: HEY- What I meant- um- however you say your name- is- YOUR UGLY!

Hermione: *rolls her eyes*

Harry Potter: How do you say your name? Like Hermy-one or Hermy-own?

Hermione: It's actually Herm-I-o-nee.

Ron: Okay Herm-I-

Harry Potter: No, it's Hermy-own, Ron.

Ron: *mind message to Harry* She's pretty hot, let's just be nice to her.

Harry Potter: *mind message to Ron* Fine. But you owe me some chocolate frog cards.

Ron: *mind message to Harry* Okay. *non-mind message* So, Hermione, wanna sit with us?

Hermione: No. I'm looking for some boy Neville's toad. Have you seen it?

Harry Potter: Um, no.

Hermione: Okay. Wait, aren't you Harry Potter? I've heard about you. You are famous, aren't you?

Harry Potter: Yeah, why?

Ron: Because You-Know-Who killed your parents. DUH! Then you lived and only survived with that scar!

Harry Potter: Oh. Now Hermione... GO!

Hermione: Fine. *leaves*

Ron: *as train stops* WE'RE HERE!

Harry Potter: YIPEE!

Chapter Four: I'M WIZARD STUDENT GUY, AND YOUR NOT HA!

(Hogsmeade Station, evening) Harry Potter: Time to go to that magical llama place that people call Pigfarts! Let's go!

Hagrid: 1st years, over here! First years, follow me!

Ron: Why would a one-year-old go to Pigfarts?

Harry Potter: Yeah, Hagrid. Why would one-year-olds go to Pigfarts?

Hagrid: In boarding schools, years is said instead of grades.

Harry Potter: I'M NOT A FIRST GRADER YOU IDIOT!

Ron: ME NEITHER!

Harry Potter: And how are you wearing your clothes?

Hagrid: First years of PIGFARTS, not of school.

Harry Potter and Ron: OOOOH! Well let's go then~

Ron: He's fat.

Hagrid: I HEARD THAT!

Ron: I know.

(Hogwarts Lake, evening)

Harry Potter: Look, it's Pigfarts! *big view is shown* It's beautifal.

Ron: I still think Hermione is more beautifal.

Harry Potter: She probably heard that.

Ron: What makes you think that?

Harry Potter: She's right behind you.

Hermione: Thank you, Ron.

Ron: O_O. Will these boats go any FASTER?

(Hogwarts Halls, evening)

Professor McGonagall: Hello students. Before you join your friends or sibling, you must take the SORTING (DA DA DA).

Students: AAAH!

Professor McGonagall: There is four houses. Gryfindor, Slytherin, Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff. And the secret one, which I must not tell you about.

Draco Malfoy: Secret? I don't care. I'm getting Slytherin! *walks to Harry Potter* Oh, you are the so-called "Hairy Pot".

Harry Potter: >:( It's Harry Potter.

Draco Malfoy: Okay Harry Potty, do you wanna be BFFs so we can text and stuff? This is Crabbe and Goyle. *points at Crabbe and Goyle*

Ron: *bites Draco*

Draco: HEY! Harry Clogger, is he your friend? If he is, you have really bad taste of friends.

Harry Potter: *bites Draco* No, I think you have worse taste.

Draco: *sniff* YOU - ARE -MEAN! DX WAAA! *runs off*

Harry Potter: Yeah, you run!

Professor McGonagall: Time for the sorting. *opens doors to the great hall and students walk in.*

Ron: I like this place!

Professor McGonagall: First we have... Malfoy, Draco.

Draco: *walks up* How do we get sorted?

Professor McGonagall: *puts Sorting Hat on his head*

Sorting Hat: SLYTHERIN! So Slytherin. You have evilness in your mind and there isn't a dark wizard who wasn't in Slytherin.

Draco: Groovy. *walks down*

Professor McGonagall: Granger, Hermione.

Hermione: *walks up and wears hat*

Sorting Hat: Hm... GRYFINDOR!

Professor McGonagall: Goyle, Gregory and Crabbe, Vincent.

Sorting Hat: GLOOGLOOGLUM! That's the secret house that only stupid peoples go to. HA!

Crabbe and Goyle: YAY! WE'RE PRETTY BUNNY RABBITS!

Sorting Hat: See? Stupid. Ron Weasley, it's your turn.

Ron: *gulps and walks up*

Sorting Hat: Oh. It's you. Gryfindor, blah blah blah.

Ron: YAY! *walks to Gryfindor Table*

Harry Potter: Is it my turn?

Sorting Hat: Yep. *Harry Potter wears him* Hmm, decisions, decisions.

Harry Potter: )X please not Slytherin!

Sorting Hat: No Slytherin, ay? You can be an amazing guy of ploops and stuffs and stuffs, but I'll just say GRYFINDOR!

Harry Potter: YIPEE! *goes to Gryfindor table*'

Dumbledore: The sorting is over peoples! Now time to EAT! OH YEAH! TWIT WIT, UBBER BLUB! *food appears but Dumbledore sucks it up into his mouth like a vacuum cleaner in two seconds straight* Students dismissed.

Students: 0_0 Okaaaaaaaaaaaay... *leave*

Chapter Five: I'M HAVIN' FUN LEARNIN TO BE A WIZARD AND I AM ONE AND YOU AIN'T!

(Gryfindor Common Room, morning) Harry Potter: I WUV THIS PLACE!!

Ron: ME TOO! FREE PANCAKES FOR BREAKFAST!

Harry Potter: I think the magic is more exciting.

Ron: BUT PANCAKES ARE0

Harry Potter: SHUTTUP LET'S GO TO CLASSES YA DWEEEB!

(Professor McGonagall's class, mid-morning)

Professor McGonagall: Potter and Weasley are late AGAIN!

Hermione: How is that possible, it's the first day of school.

Professor McGonagall: SHUTTUP LET'S GET TO LEARNIN YA DWEEEB!

Harry and Ron: *run in* ...we...are...here...

Professor McGonagall: Not for long, if you keep up. I can transfigure you into GPSs so you can find your way or a pair of awesome clox so you would be on time. 5 points from-

Harry Potter: SHUTTUP LET'S LEARN HOW TO TRANSFORM STUFF YA DWEEEB! I mean- um, please?

Professor McGonagall: D:< HEY! Just sit down and SHUTTUP YA DWEEB!

Harry Potter: Fine.

(Professor Sprout's classroom, noon)

Professor Sprout: Hello class, today we will plant a special herb called the HERB OF SUBERB (da da da)!

Harry Potter: What da heck is dat?

Professor Sprout: Harry, before I answer, why is your nose stopped up?

Harry Potter: Cause I like da letter D better den TH. I can still say the TH words, I just chose not to.

Professor Sprout: Dat doesn't make- oh, you got me to do it!

Harry Potter: Yes, I won the bet!

Professor Sprout: With who and on what?

Harry Potter: Me and Ron betted that I can make a teacher talk with the word "dat". YOU OWE ME FIVE GALLEONS, RON!

Ron Weasley: Well, look at the time! It's time for potions class. *runs off*

Harry Potter: YA LIAR! *sigh then looks at clock* Oh wait, it is period switching time! *everyone leaves*

Professor Sprout: But don't you want to know what the Herb of Superb is? Ah man.

(Snape's classroom, afternoon)

Snape: Hello class. There will be no silly wand-waving or stupid cheeses in the class. In this class we will learn the awesome power of cauldrons and the delicate elixars of potions.

Neville: *shaking* I really have an elixar that I need to let out.

Snape: SHUTTUP AND HOLD IT YA DWEEEB! What I was saying is that there will be no dumb tolerance of wand-waving or bullying in this sacred class.

Ron: *whisper* He uses alot a big words.

Harry Potter: *whisper* Goes well with his big butt. *giggles with Ron*

Snape: SHUTTUP STUPID GRYFINDOR DWEEEBS! 5 bajagillion points from Gryfindor. And Ravenclaw.

Ravenclaw Student: What did we do?

Snape: Talk without raising your hand, which you just did. Hm, 5 bagillion more points from Gryfindor. And how about a couple jillion points from Hufflepuff, ay?

Harry Potter: D:< I don't like this teacher. Not...at...all...

Snape: Class dissmissed. *all of a sudden quietly* 10 gabillion points from Gryfindor.

Harry Potter: Huh?

Ron: *heard him* Why?

Snape: FOR SATIN HUH TO A TEACHER, YA DWEEB! NOW GO.

Harry Potter: Fine. *leaves*

Chapter Six: A Very Yucky Bad Guy

(Professor Flitwick's classroom, afternoon)

Professor Flitwick: Today class, we are gonna learn how to levitate!

Class: OOOoooOOOoooh!

Professor Flitwick: Remember, swish and flick!

Ron: Flick what? Our fingers? Okay. *holds up his middle finger*

Professor Flitwick: WEASLEY, THAT WAS NOT NICE! 20,000,000,000 POINTS FROM GRYFINOR! Now class, say Wingardium Leviosa!

Ron: Wingardium Leviosa! Ah man, my feather isn't floating!

Harry Potter: Mine neither!

Hermione: Idiots! It's Leviosa not Leviosaaaa! Wingardium Leviosa! *feather floates* SEE, I AM GOOD AT SPELLS!

Ron: *mutters* ...know-it-all...

Hermione: I HEARD THAT! *cries and runs away*

(Great Hall, Halloween Feast)

Harry Potter: This candy is yummy.

Ron: Where is Hermione?

Neville: She's in the girl's lavatory, crying. She's been there all afternoon.

Harry Potter: How do you know?

Neville: Something... happened... um... BYE! *runs away*

Professor Quirrel: *runs in* TROLL! TROLL IN THE DUNGEONS! Thought you should know... *faints*

Everyone: *silence* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! RUN! HELP! AAAAH! WE'RE DOOMED!

Professor Dumbledore: SHUTTUP YA DWEEBS! Guys, we have one thing we must do.

Everyone: WHAT?

Professor Dumbledore: ...PANIC!

Everyone: *panics*

Harry Potter: We gotta save Hermione! She doesn't know!

(girl's lavatory, night)

Hermione: *crying*

Troll: *walks in* Blujushoopajuglee.

Hermione: *gasp*

Harry Potter: HERMIONE, WATCH OUT!

Troll: GLUUK! *swings club at Hermione but she ducks*

Ron: *runs to Hermione but ducks because of the troll again* Hermione, if we don'ts survive this night, I have to say something. I LOVE YOU!

Harry Potter and Troll: Ron, seriously? *pause silently* O_O

Ron: Let's continue fighting... *fighting continues*

Troll: Gukshambero. *drops club* Oopsies.

Ron: I have an idea! Wingardium Leviosaaaaa! *levitates club over troll and knocks it out* I DID IT!

Hermione: You did it!

Harry Potter: You did it?! I'm supposed to be the sucessful one! Ah man, this is bad for my reputation!

Professors: *run in* Oh boy, you guys are in biiiiig trouble. Escpecially Harry and Ron-

Hermione: I did it!

Professors; Okay. Five points from Gryfindor. You in twouble. BIG twouble.

Hermione: Sorry. Ron, Harry, thanks. Wanna be friends?

Harry Potter and Ron: Okay. Bye.

Chapter Seven: Some SCARY Place

(Gryfindor Common Room, evening)

Harry Potter: I like messing up.

Ron: Me too. Let's go to some place where we aren't welcome.

Harry Potter: YAY! LET'S GET IN TROUBLE THEN OBLIVIATE FILCH TO NOT KNOW IT THEN THINK HE'S A CHICKEN!

Hermione: You guys shouldn't do that. Snape already took away like- ALL -of our points and this is only the first month.

Ron: But it's fun to break rules!

Hermione: *rolls her eyes* boys... *walks away*

Ron: Let's go! *leaves with Harry*

Hermione: *runs back but no one is there* YOU CAN'T- ooh, I hate boys.

(Grand Staircase, Evening)

Harry Potter: I am so excited for detention!

Ron: YIPEE!

Hermione: *runs up stairs* ...don't...do...it...

Harry Potter: But we already opened the door and walked in!

Hermione: No you didn't.

Harry Potter: *walks in with Ron* Now we did. *is about to shut door but Hermione runs in*

Ron: How are we not welcome here?

Hermione: This is the third floor corrider! A REALLY BAD PLACE!

Harry Potter: Too late, I opened the next door. *opens the next door and walks in with Ron and Hermione*

Ron: Where are we?

Hermione: O_O M-meap.

Harry Potter: Why are you meaping?

Ron: *points at sleeping three-headed dog* THAT!

Fluffy: *wakes up* GRRR! RUFF RUFF RUFF!

Harry, Ron, and Hermione: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! *run out of room and out of hall*

Ron: What was THAT?!

Harry Potter: Understand why we shouldn't go there! I don't even want detention anymore!

Hermione: Do you guys have eyes? It was standing on a door! It must be guarding something! DUH!

Harry Potter: How is that obvious?

Hermione: Let's discuss this late. Just don't make up another plan to get us killed, or worse, detention.

Ron Weasley: O_O Wow.

Chapter Eight: New Discoveries

(Hagrid's Hut, afternoon)

Harry Potter: Hi Hagrid!

Ron: Guess what just happened?

Hermione: We almost-

Harry Potter and Ron: DIED! OR EVEN WORSE, GOT DETENTION!

Hermione: Hey, that's my line!

Ron: Then what's my line?

Hermione: Yours is "She's really got to sort out her priorities."

Ron: Okay... you just stole my-

Hagrid: Guys, what is it?

Harry Potter: We went to third-floor corrider and was nearly killed by a three-headed-dog!

Hagrid: How'd you know about Fluffy?

Hermione: Fluffy? That's a nice name.

Ron: Yeah. It HEAVILY fits him.

Hagrid: Yeah, Fluffy!

Harry Potter: We think it's guarding something!

Hermione: OMG, I HAD AN IDEA!

Ron: What?

Hermione: SNAPE WAS LIMPING THAT NIGHT THE TROLL SO HE MUST OF LET OUT THE TROLL AS A DIVERSION TO GET PAST FLUFFY!

Harry Potter: What's it guarding, Hagrid?

Hagrid: That's none of your beeswax! That beeswax is in bewteen Dumbledore and Nicholis Flamel! AH SHOOT, I JUST GAVE IT AWAY!

Harry Potter: Huh?

Hagrid: I JUST GAVE YA A CLUE ABOUT WHAT IT IS CAUSE I SAID NICOLIS FLAMEL'S NAME- oh, you didn't hear it... so I now revealed it to you. Drat.

(Library, Evening)

Harry Potter: Let's look for Flicholis Namel's name!

Ron: Isn't it Nicholis Flamel?

Hermione: Yeah.

Harry Potter: Noooo...

Ron andd Hermione: Yeeeeees...

Harry Potter: Let's look at this book! A book on famous young guys! *looks through it*

Ron: Maybe he's in famous old guys book.

Harry Potter: Pish tosh. Why would somebody OLD be doing with a dog?

Hermione: It's possible...

Harry Potter: No, NO IT'S NOT!

Ron and Hermione: *sigh*

Chapter Nine: I BELIEVE I CAN FLY!

(Broomstick Flying Lessons, noon)

Madame Hooch: Hello students. TODAY WE LEARN HOW TO FLY!

Students: YAAAAY!

Madame Hooch: Now students, mount onto your brooms, you don't want to be slipping off. Hover for 3-15,000,000 seconds. On the count of three- 3, 2, 1-

Neville: Mrs. Hadame Mooch, I'm flying early by mistake.

Madame Hooch: First of all, IT'S MADAME HOOCH NOT HADAME MOOCH! And second of all- stop flying please.

Neville: BUT I DUNNO HOW TO STOP! *hits wall then falls* Woops. *hits ground*

Madame Hooch: Looks like your ankle and wrist and butt are broken. I'll take you to the hospital. NOBODY FLY OR ELSE I'LL KILL YA AND I NEVER LIE! *leaves with Neville*

Draco: Looks like Mr. Bigbottom dropped his magical thing that I have no idea what it is. *picks it up*

Harry Potter: GIVE IT TO ME!

Draco: No way! *flies* What's wrong furry planter? Mommy didn't teache you how to fly?

Harry Potter: NO BUT I THINK I KNOW! *flies up*

Hermione: What an idiot.

Harry Potter: I HEARD THAT! Give it to me, Jerko Mad-boy.

Draco: Pff, make me-

Harry Potter: *punches Draco in the face*

Draco: Hey! *throws the thing out* CATCH THAT, POTTY!

Harry Potter: Okay. *extands his army very long and catches it* GOTTIT!

Professor McGonagall: *walks in* Well, well, well. Look who's flyin without any teachers around!

Draco: Yeah, Harry was!

Professor McGonagall: Harry, come down now before Madame Hooch kills ya.

Harry Potter: *gulp* Okay. *comes down* Am in twouble?

Professor McGonagall: Nope. WOOD, GET OVER HERE! *Oliver Wood comes* Looks like we have a new seeker!

(Quidditch Pitch, evening)

Oliver: Hi Harry Potter! I'm going to teach you how to play Quidditch!

Harry Potter: What kinda game is that?

Oliver: A game of action, adventure, comedy, drama, romance! A game where you risk life and limb and use battle strategy to destroy the enemy with nothing but your POWER AND YOUR KNOWLEDGE TO FIGHT AND SAVE YOUR FRIENDS!

Harry Potter: Really?

Oliver: No. All you have to do is score goals, survive, and catch the golden snitch!

Harry Potter: ...oh...

Oliver: *pulls out a quaffle* This is a quaffle, not to be confused with a waffle *pulls out a waffle* or falefal. *pulls out falefal then eats both* The quaffle is the ball that chasers throw into the goal!

Harry Potter: WICKED! Wait, that's Ron's line-

Oliver: *pulls out a bludger* This is a bludger. It tries to KILL- I mean- knock you off your broom. Beaters try to get them to wack opponents and defend teammates.

Harry Potter: THAT SOUNDS SCAAAAARY!

Oliver: NOt really. Now this is the golden snitch! You- the seeker- must catch this ball.This ball is lightning fast and hard to see. Catching it gives you 150 points, and you win the game. It kinda just makes the other teammate's jobs useless, but I guess you need alot of points that weren't scored by the Seeker to give you extra points for the Quidditch cup...are you listening to me?

Harry Potter: ...shiiiiiiny...shiiiiiiiny.....SHIIIIIINY!

Oliver: *puts away the snitch* Ahem.

Harry Potter: .....shiii- wait, what?

Oliver: Got all of the info?

Harry Potter: Yep!

Oliver: Good! First game is tommorow!

Harry Potter: WHAT?

Oliver: Good luck! *runs off*

Harry Potter: *gulp*

Chapter Ten: Snape did it!

TBA

Chapter Eleven: Christmas Time!

TBA

Chapter Twelve: In Weally big Twouble

TBA

Chapter Thirteen: I layed an egg! But why is it brown- OH, THAT'S NOT AN EGG AT ALL! Speaking of eggs, Hagrid has a dragon one.

TBA

Chapter Fourteen: Fighting the Badder Guy Then the First Bad Guy (You know, that yucky one from Chapter Chapter 7) Oh shoot, I just broke the fourth wall.

TBA

Chapter Fifteen: THE FINAL CHAPTER (DA DA DA)

TBA

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